Here’s TopGear.com’s roving correspondent, Cory Spondent, with his mostly incorrect exclusives from the world of motoring

Alpine is set to build a one-off version of its A110 sports car in honour of mercurial French footballer Kylian Mbappé that will defy all known laws of physics to become the fastest accelerating car ever built by human hands.

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Widely recognised as the world’s best footballer, Alpine executives were keen to capitalise on the young Frenchman’s generational talent by revealing a special edition of its game-changing sportscar able to go from 0-62mph in 0.4s, a time previously thought entirely impossible.

However, even with a 0-62mph time faster than any car has ever achieved in the history of the automobile and one that flies in the face of current scientific thinking, insiders said it “still won’t be as quick as Mbappé”.

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“Kylian Mbappé mirrors our Alpine A110 in every way except one,” an Alpine insider said. “He’s light on his feet, exceptionally balanced and precise, able to turn on a dime and French.

“Only, he moves faster than lightning. Our A110 does not. Don’t ask us how, but we’re somehow going to put a physics-defying powertrain into our A110 and only make one car, because there’s only one Kylian Mbappé.”

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Upon hearing the rumours, worried British performance car bosses were hastily drawing up plans to rival the record-breaking Alpine A110 with their own special editions, including a Rolls-Royce jet-engined Noble M600 ‘Marcus Rashford’ edition, though a Land Rover insider noted the brand would eschew the 0-62mph race and instead “just stick an armoured Defender 130 in the way. See if you can out-sprint that”.

There were unconfirmed reports that France’s current all-time highest goalscorer Olivier Giroud would be at the unveil of the A110 Mbappé Edition.

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